by Nick Jacobs

Denise Grady wrote a great Op Ed for the New York Times today about her sister's fight with cancer. In this opinion column she discusses empathy toward vulnerability. Interestingly, she quotes Dr. James A. Tulsky, director of the Center for Palliative Care at Duke University Medical Center whose study published in the Journal of Clinical Oncology found that doctors and patients weren't communicating all that well about emotions. She quoted the study as having revealed that male doctors were less than 50% as empathetic as female doctors in their responses to patients.

Ms. Grady made a point of indicating that it was not necessarily critical for the physicians to engage in long dialogue with the patients where they became psychological counselors. In fact, according to Tulsky, "Brief, empathetic responses will suffice."

A few days ago, I ended a post by quoting Maya Angelou who said, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

So much of our life is spent looking for emotional support in some way, shape or form. The management schools teach us that "It's not all about the money." The attorneys tell us that "If we are kind and explain ourselves to the patients, our chances of being sued drop exponentially."

This morning we dealt with an employee complaint. It wasn't about time, money, or benefits. The complaint was that the employee was not treated with compassion, respect or dignity. It was about how one of her peers made her feel.

There are very difficult emotional challenges that come with being a chemotherapy or, for that matter, any type of cancer patient. After all, this disease can very clearly make us deal with our own mortality in a very direct, uncaring, matter of fact way. It is or it isn't. We are or we aren't; and one of the examples that we use is that "It may be your 543 rd Leukemia or melanoma or lymphoma, but it is the patient's first."

We are not indicating that our world must be one of mamby pamby, warm fuzzies that never deal with the truth. We are indicating that the people with whom we deal are human beings. I heard a comedian say last night that he had just gone through a tough divorce and lost weight. He then said, "I think I lost about 30 pounds. That's how much a soul weighs, right?"

So, as we move about in our world every day, remember Denise Grady, remember her sister, and remember that warmth, concern, compassion, and empathy are NOT bad things. The day that we found out that my father's cancer had metastasized, the doc told him not to worry. He told him that everything was okay. Then he turned to my mother and winked. That day will forever be burned in my memory. His was the wink of death.

Just remember that, "Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness."