By Nick Jacobs

This is one of the 231 e-mails I receive every day. The names have been changed slightly to protect the guilty. This may be why we haven't put anyone on Mars yet. It is priceless.

Dear Employee Number 2:
Could you please create a new ID badge for employee number 3 with the attached photo? His title is BLANK Assistant. Thank you.
Employee Number1

Dear Employee Number 1:
Did he lose his badge? We charge $5.00 for replacement badges.
Employee Number 2

Dear Employee Number 2:
I requested him to have a new photo and updated badge. Unfortunately, I think we are going to have more coming through. We are making some changes that will mean requiring updated information on Id's.
Employee Number 1

Dear Employee Number 1:
Is it just photos we are updating? If so, the only time we don't charge our staff is if the badge breaks, doesn't swipe or it's worn out. I just want to make sure it's handled the same for all.
Employee Number 2

Dear Employee Number 2:
We have not adopted that policy. I have requested that Employee Number 3 get a new ID. If you must charge for it, then I guess you would charge us. I thought this was one of the services we were paying for in our overhead.
Thanks, Employee Number 1

Dear Employee Number 4:
Could you please check this out for me?
Thanks.
Employee Number 2

Dear Employee Number 5:
Our policy is that, unless the badge does not work, they pay the $5.00 for a new one, or if they don't like their picture. I would assume that would apply to everyone. It costs us money to keep reissuing these badges. Your thoughts? Also, the $5.00 comes from the employee NOT THE BUDGET.
Employee Number 4

[here we go - this is classic!]
Dear Employee Number 4:
After reading all of these e-mails, I plan on slitting my throat with the old ID badge and then charging both organizations evenly . . .
Employee Number 5

[note from Tony: and speaking of crazy emails, try not to reject a job offer this way over email]