by Nick Jacobs

Having been an observer of scientific research projects for the past seven years, I have recently made an observation that undoubtedly proves irrefutably that parallel universes do exist. On a recent beach trip, six young mom's in our family and our extended family decided to send their hunters off to deep sea fish for Father's Day, leaving two grandfathers and a four year old boy behind to protect the house.

Because he was not included in the fishing trip, the boy would have been crushed, but the old dudes bailed out his dad and mom by inviting him to go fishing with us. Neither of us had been fishing since we were young dads, about thirty years ago, so the day was already predetermined to be interesting. We strapped the little guy into his car seat and left in search of a fishing pier. It took us about forty minutes and fifty four dollars for gasoline, a bottle of Superman apple juice, some Halloween candy corn and a piece of beef jerky.

When we arrived at the fishing pier and entered the main building, it was like a time warp. In a large glass case there sat a talking humanoid Pirate that told fortunes. Then we passed 70 different pinball, video, basketball and bowling machines. When we finally arrived at the cashier's corner, eight more bucks lighter; we saw reality in a completely different light. Renting two poles with sinkers and hooks required an $80 deposit. Miscellaneous fishing fees were $48, and that included a bag of blood worms. Our wrists were then stamped, and we went out onto the pier and into the blazing, morning sun.

We were instructed to cut the blood worm which contained what seemed to be about a pint of blood. The little boy became very quiet, looked at me and said, "You're killing him." At that point I taught him about regeneration. Then we launched the baited hooks into the Atlantic Ocean and five minutes later caught a four inch fish which we promptly threw back into the sea. After about 90 seconds more, the little guy looked up and said, "Poppa, I want to go home now." He turned and started walking toward the exit.

On the way home he cried out for a toy, we stopped and bought him a little pirate, armed to the teeth, and a motorcycle for a grand total of $5.34. When we walked into the beach house, he opened his motorcycle and the wheel fell off. He stopped crying 20 minutes later when his mom convinced him that it would go to the broken toy hospital and be fixed.

If you're wondering about my introduction to parallel universes, it should be perfectly clear to you by now that this trip was exactly like scientific research. You start out not knowing where you're going; spend lots of money trying to get there; have great expectations; end up with much less than you or anyone had anticipated; have to throw it back in, and too many times, the wheels fall of.

Parallel universes.